Common Misconception: We Both Agree so We Don’t Need to Go To Court

Not too many people battling over child custody really ever want to go through the courtroom experience. Ending a relationship can obviously be challenging and the thought of going to court can be quite scary for many people, especially when it involves the possibility of losing their children. That’s why some individuals would much rather resolve things without having to go to court.

 However, there is a common misconception that going to court is not necessary if both parties agree on the terms. While it is true that many couples use family law attorneys or mediation to come to a settlement without the help of a judge, there are some issues that really should be settled in court no matter what. For example, when child custody and child support are part of your breakup, having a court oversee those issues is a very smart choice.

 You might ask: “if we already agree on everything, then why do we need to waste our time in court? Of course, being able to come to an agreement together, as two levelheaded and responsible adults is a great idea for both you and your children. However, what happens if things don’t go as planned a few months, or a year, down the road?

 For example, let’s say you or your ex suddenly decides that the child custody arrangement isn’t so fair after all? Then what happens? Or, perhaps your ex who agreed to pay child support decides he doesn’t want to pay as much, doesn’t want to pay at all, or wants to condition the child support on your doing something for him? How would you handle that situation? These are the kinds of things that can happen after couples split up, and if there is no court order in place, then there’s little to no recourse you can take to remedy the problems.

 Plus, when feelings are hurt and emotions run high it becomes a lot more difficult for angry, former partners, to reach a new agreement. That’s why it is so important to go to court and have a judge make everything official, even if you already have an agreement in place that everyone is happy with.

 In fact, if you already have a plan that both parties agree upon then the court process should be much simpler and quicker to manage (i.e., less costly!). Plus, in the event that your ex isn’t happy with the agreement, or decides to renege on his promises to you, you will now have protection in place in the form of a court order, which cannot be changed without the court’s permission.

 While most people would rather avoid the courtroom, going to court is very helpful with child custody and child support matters. If you need assistance in Orlando and the surrounding areas, contact us today at (407) 900-7451 or click here to connect with us online. You can depend on the Law Office of Erin Morse to help with your child custody and child support matters.

Ways To Make Divorce Easier On Children

Going through a divorce is definitely an emotional and confusing time for both the children and adults. Unfortunately, sometimes children become bargaining chips or pawns against the other parent. Working out the details of a split can be messy, which means we can take our eye off of how our children are handling the situation, and what is in their best interest.

 However, while you and your spouse may have irreconcilable differences, it doesn’t mean your kids have to suffer. In fact, you should be putting special focus on them, as it’s likely just as traumatic for them as it is for you.

 Here are seven things to keep in mind regarding your children during a marital split…

 

1. Do Not Fight In Front Of The Children

This actually goes for married parents and those going through a separation of unwed parents, but yelling at the other parent during this already emotional time can have more dire consequences for children in many cases. At no time should you ever speak badly of the other parent or yell at the other parent.

Divorce itself is not what causes children pain, it’s watching their parents battle openly. This can heighten anxiety and stress in children, and even cause fear if their parents are always at each other’s throats. Children can pick up on the tension about the other parent. It truly is your duty to shield them from this tension and encourage the other parent to do the same.

2. Remind Your Child It’s Not Their Fault

Many children, especially if they’re older and understand what’s happening, may automatically think they are the cause of the split. However, it’s important to take to the time to explain they’re not the cause of the turmoil and that they’re loved by you and their other parent.

 Failing to show love for your child during this time can seriously affect their self-esteem. The act of telling your children they’re loved needs to be done more than once – it should be a regular reassurance. Take the time to be with your children and make sure to give them that one on one attention.


3. Do Not Talk Badly About The Other Parent

In some cases, divorcing parents like to use their kids as weapons against each other by saying negative things about their former spouse to them. Those statements could include that the other half doesn’t care about them, or doesn’t work hard enough for them, which kids can take very personally. When you speak badly about the other parent, you are speaking badly about your children. After all, they are made up of one half of the other parent.

If you have a beef to clear up with your former spouse, do it in person or over the phone in a rational manner – don’t give your children negative messages that they will ask the other parent about. This is not a healthy way to teach children about conflict resolution, and it will ultimately erode a child’s sense of self-worth. Your job right now is to lead by example and teach these healthy coping mechanisms and communication through conflict.

 

4. Try To Limit Change To Your Children’s Routines

If you’re finding that a living arrangement will be changing drastically due to a divorce, which takes one or both parents out of the family home, try to ease this transition. This may take some creativity so try to plan it so the child can remain in the same school and see the same friends if possible.  

 Trying to figure out new school or childcare arrangements can be tricky, especially when you’re trying to figure out other elements of the divorce such as financial details. Your child may love their surroundings and have made friends, and taking them out of that environment unnecessarily could cause some resentment. Find the good and positive aspects of your “new normal”. Allow children to have moments of being upset or disappointed remind them it is okay to feel that way.

5. Let Your Children Express Their Emotions

 You may be in “damage control” mode and are trying to sugarcoat the situation, but you also have to accept that kids will likely have reactions you might not like. Don’t discount your child’s anger or confusion; your focus should be allowing them to ask questions and seeking affection.

 You should allow them to vent a little and expect to answer a variety of questions regarding the situation. One approach is to ask your child if there’s anything they’d like to do or talk about that would make them feel better, notes the source. It also says that not all kids react right away, so be prepared a few weeks or even months down the road to weather a storm. In many of these circumstances having the children participate in counseling can helpful. 

 

6. Look Forward To Your Time With Your Children

 If a custody agreement is already in place, then you should plan to make the most of your time with your kids – whether that’s 1-day a week or 4-days. You love your kids and likely put some effort into arranging the agreement to have them, so show them they’re important. Even if your time is limited, make the best of it and don’t let your circumstances ruin your relationship you have with your children. 

A custody agreement is about the kids, not you. The hardest part for co-parenting is remembering that time with the child is not a prize to be won, but a gift to be cherished. Make the most of it, and include activities you know they’ll enjoy. 

7. It’s Never Too Late To Apologize

 Divorce can be emotional for children, they are surprisingly able to withstand and recover quickly from difficult conditions. They can bounce back with a little encouragement. If you think your behavior hasn’t been perfect lately, draw your line in the sand, and improve your behavior and reactions as soon as possible.

 So while you’re not ready to say sorry to the other parent, you can tell your kids you’re sorry for any pain you’ve caused them and promise to do better. Whether it’s putting on a smile for them, avoiding talking about the other parent, or just letting them be a kid. This can be a lot tougher for older teenaged kids to accept but telling your kids you’re sorry and making them your priority can go a long way to preventing bitterness later on. Don’t forget that sometimes you’ve got to “fake it until you make it” … meaning that the more you speak positively and act positively, it will become your self falling prophecy.

 

Let Our Experienced Divorce Attorney Morse Help You

Call now to schedule a free consultation to speak with an experienced and passionate Family Law Attorney Erin Morse to help you with your legal matter. For sound advice and effective representation regarding your Florida divorce, call the Law Office of Erin Morse in Orlando at 407-900-7451.

Is A 50/50 Time Sharing Good For A Child?

Many people start a divorce or paternity case with the impression that 50/50 timesharing/visitation is in the best interest of their child. However, this premise does not take into account that each family is unique and has its own
individual dynamics and circumstances.

Children show the best adjustment in divorce or paternity cases where there is a cooperative co‑parenting, shared responsibility (shared decision-making) and limited conflict between the parents.

Children should have substantial contact with both parents. However, this does not mean that an equal timesharing/visitation arrangement is best for all children. The focus of any parent engaged in a divorce or paternity action should be upon the quality of the relationships (both between the parents themselves and between the parents and the children and each child). Quality is not always determined by the amount of time a child spends with you as a parent. There are a number of circumstances in which 50/50 timesharing/visitation may not be in the best interest of the child. Those circumstances include, but are not limited to:


Special needs of a child.

One parent may be better suited to deal with a child’s special need/developmental disability than the other parent. Such situations with children include ADHD, anxiety, autism, developmental delays, and other related developmental and physical special needs;


Geographical facts of the parents’ residences.

If the parents live any substantial distance apart from one another, then a 50/50 timesharing/visitation schedule would require troublesome travel for a child during the school year. The child would have difficulty traveling from each parent’s home to school. It seems implausible that children should be on the road at 5:00 or 6:00 a.m. to attend their chosen school. It also will make it difficult for the child to participate in extracurricular activities and maintain friendships that the child develops at school.

Parents, who are divorcing or separating, need to remember that as children grow older, their peer relationships become more and more important. Also, consistent excellent academic performance by students requires adequate rest and a consistent schedule that meets their needs. 50/50 timesharing/visitation cannot provide that in all circumstances;


Determine Best Timesharing/Visitation for Your Family Now with a Family Law Assessment!

Some family dynamics are not suited for a 50/50 timesharing/visitation schedule. For instance, when one parent is largely absent from the home and the caregiver role, the other spouse has had to act as the role of the primary caregiver for the child. Particularly where children are young, it would be highly disruptive to them to change this type of dynamic. In addition, a parent who has been largely absent from the home and caregiver role during the marriage is likely to continue to be largely absent from the home and the caregiver role at the conclusion of the divorce, despite the court’s order for a 50/50 timesharing/visitation. This would result in the primary caregiver having to care for the child without receiving child support to offset the increased expenses of providing extra care; and A Florida 50/50 timesharing/visitation schedule assumes that all parent-child attachments are the same. Research, over the past decades has conclusively proven that not all attachments between parents and their children are equal. There is a hierarchy of attachments which need to be recognized.

Exceptions to 50/50 Florida Timesharing

There is no psychological research that supports equal timesharing/visitation as being the best for all children and all families. Consequently, divorcing or separating parents should always be aware that they should be seeking a timesharing/visitation schedule for their child which is in their child’s best interests. Parents should not be caught up in any premise that assumes a particular schedule for timesharing/visitation fits all families. Each family should be attempting to devise a timesharing/visitation schedule that is in the best interest of their children and best suits their family’s situation and circumstances.

Let Our Experienced Orlando Family Law Attorney Help You

Reach out to an experienced Board Certified Family Law Attorney for legal advice and effective representation to your unique situation. Fill out a form online or call the Law Office of Erin Morse in Orlando at (407) 900-7451 to schedule a consultation with Attorney Morse.

Protecting Yourself Online: Divorce & Social Media

Social media allows us to comment quickly and casually about our lives, but during a divorce, the consequences of sharing sensitive information may affect the outcome of a divorce settlement. In Florida, divorce lawyers and family law attorneys can use blogs, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter posts and more, as evidence in court, so it’s important for people in the midst of divorce to be careful about over-sharing.

In the midst of a painful divorce, it can be tempting to make negative comments about an ex. It’s important to understand the repercussions if you choose to do so. If there are children involved and the court believes your dialogue traumatic or damaging, contact with your children may be restricted. A child’s well-being is incredibly important in the eyes of the law.

 

During a Divorce Avoid Posting these Things on Social Media

If you’ve been celebrating your new single status by attending more parties or bars than usual, you may want to remove sensitive photographs from the web, especially if you have children. You could be seen as an irresponsible parent, and you could lose custody.

Social media users also need to avoid the impulse to show off new purchases. Avoid posting pictures of the Harley your spouse wouldn’t let you buy, a new vacation home in Puerto Rico, or of the flying lessons you’re taking. Evidence of major purchases or extravagant spending could impact your divorce settlement or give the other party cause to investigate your earnings statements.

 If you have a new girlfriend or boyfriend in the picture, be sure to keep it private. A skilled divorce attorney may try to position you as someone who wasn’t committed to the marriage.

 For someone going through a divorce, protecting your image is important. If you feel like you can’t control yourself online, it might be best to refrain from using your accounts until the divorce is over.

Contact Our Caring and Experienced Orlando Family Law Attorney Today

 If you or someone you know has experienced these divorce warning signs, schedule a consultation to discuss your situation with an experienced family law attorney. You don’t need to go through the divorce process alone. Our family law attorney at Law Office of Erin Morse will help you discuss your case, understand the Florida divorce process, your options and rights, and help guide you through this process. We proudly serve our clients throughout Orlando and the surrounding areas; including Orange, Seminole, Volusia, Lake, Brevard and Osceola counties.  
 

Schedule a consultation today by calling us at (407) 900-7451 or completing a contact form.